Sunday 30 October 2016

Being a mom

Being a mom feels like that ;)

But seriously, how it is to be a mom?

Sometimes I hate it, and I sigh to how my life was before, and then things get easier and I kind of enjoy changing dirty nappies several times a day and sooth my baby for hours during the night....

Who am I kidding??!! My life is over! Big time! And probably I'll never have so much free time I used to have before.
But sometimes I try to imagine how my life would look like without Zoe and it seems so predictable, so BORING! With her I never can be sure if I'll survive till the next day without going crazy! ;) Life became so unpredictable, so dangerous with such a huge amount of caffeine in my veins and constant lack of proper sleep.

 Being a mom is a wonder.
I am like: "how the hell I can still function?"

Being a mom is a challenge.
I think I can't do any more , I'm exhausted and I want to jump out of the window or throw myself under a bus ,and then my baby pushes me even more, so I need to suck it up and grow a pair...

Being a mom is awesome!
I would never know that I have so many skils and super powers! (if you are a mom, you know what I'm talking about) :D

They say there is not such thing like perfect time to become parents, and they are fucking right! Because nothing can prepare you for what is coming with that bundle of "joy"...and yet in the end of the day I can't get out of admiration for little miracle laying next to me in the cot connected to our bed :D




xoxo
Mags

Wednesday 22 June 2016

6 weeks postpartum - the real story

After leaving the hospital the third nipple ( hemorrhoid)  was my biggest concern, but then I saw it! And I had to google straight away "how vagina looks like" ,because I was puzzled.
I said puzzled? Sorry! I was terrified! And I haven't looked there for another two weeks!
Then I finally got the courage to check the situation again, but unfortunately nothing has changed! WTF! I've been doing Kegel exercise since the second day after birth!
 I got 3 stitches and I thought I will be pretty tight down there ,but it turns out that giant meteorite left giant destruction! Sex is out of the picture for a while!

Baby blues? Well...guess.
Hemorrhoids , gaping hole, marathon feeding, sore nipples, general exhaustion... You name it!
 I cried, I was tired, I was angry, frustrated, depressed, but then I sucked it up and repeated like a mantra : THIS IS MY FIRST AND LAST BABY!!!

And here I am, 6 weeks and 2 days after Zoe has been born, asking my husband if he would consider another baby in the future!!! LOL!





What helped us to survive those 6 weeks:

1. Humor! 



2. New Parents Pack from the Pure Kitchen


3. Mei Tai - baby carrier


4. Co-sleeping




PS: If you are interested in baby wearing, check out Billies website! She gave us a workshop on how to ''wear'' our baby girl and helped to decide which sling was right for us :D

http://www.billiesbabywearing.ie/babywearingconsultancy/

xoxo
Mags

Friday 10 June 2016

Breastfeeding sucks! Things that nobody will tell you until you experience it!

CLUSTER FEEDING

Our baby girl aka Milk Vampire is one month and one day old today , and her mama (me) turned into a walking vending machine!

After another 6 hours ( on and off ) marathon feeding I take a big breath and I sigh "thank God is finally over", when she suddenly opens her big eyes in which I see milk madness!
 I can't imagine how there is anything left in my boobs for her to eat! But  I know, if I won't feed her in that very moment she will scream like a mad man! Or mad baby - to be more specific.

On a day like today I wish I could put her back into my womb! 
It's emotionally and physically draining, and I'm asking myself why I'm still doing it?
 Honestly I don't know.

She is natural. She can latch so easily and maybe that's what keep me going? 
Our little cobra :) She will shake her little head right and left in a short distance from my breast just to attack her prey ( my nipple ) by surprise.

If you're curious how strong that baby can suck, simply put the end of the vacuum cleaner to your nipple and turn it on. And leave it for an hour or 6!  LOL!

Sometimes I recall those times when I could use the bathroom freely, whenever I had a need, or I could take a shower without fear that the little vampire will wake up any minute. 
I used to eat every 3 hours. Now I eat when my "boss" allow me to do this. 
I used to dream big. Now I have just one dream and it's called hot meal.
I used to spend about 20 minutes on my make-up. Now I simply do not go out anywhere and my clothes are always stained with my own milk....

They say that breastfeeding is a beautiful bonding experience. Well...I'm not sure about that, and saying that I'm starting to question my maternal instinct. But the only instinct I have at the moment is a survival instinct. That's all I have left. ;)
 But they also say - nothing last forever , so I hope that someday she will feed shorter! 


xoxo
Mags

PS: Do you have/had similar experience with your little one? Or maybe want to share your cracked/bleeding nipples story? Feel free to leave your comment below! 

Monday 23 May 2016

My labour&delivery story

The plan was simple, deliver our baby girl on Monday , just after the new episode of Game of Thrones ,2 days before my due date! Haha!
But it all started on Sunday evening and after 22 hours from the first contraction I gave birth to our beautiful daughter :)

It was an incredible experience and I won't forget that for the rest of my life!

The contraction started out of the blue. At the beginning they were mild so I still had a time to prepare myself. I took a shower, I washed my hair, shaved my legs and prepared hospital bag. Everything was ready, and we were ready ,so we went to hospital because by that time the contractions were getting stronger but still manageable so after an hour or so, they sent me back home.

At home I tried to relax, I took a bath but after 2 hours the contractions got much more stronger and frequent ( every 4-5 minutes ) and I wasn't able to talk when the pain stroke so I thought - Ok this has to be it!
But again , in hospital they told me that I'm not quite ready, but this time they sent us to prenatal ward where I tried different methods to relieve the pain.
 I think I was doing very well, till around 8am when the pain was so bad , so severe that I couldn't cope anymore :(
And from this point my birth plan was compromised. I was hoping to experience medical free labour, but back then I was begging for any kind of pain relief!!!

Finally at 10:45 am I went to labour ward. I remember when midwife asked me what is my view about pain relief?  I just wanted to cry because I felt so torn! :( I imagined that I would be stronger but I was so tired and in such pain that I found it even hard to cry. So I said: please give me an epidural.
 I felt defeated and high at the same time because of gas and air! Oh man, the gas and air was even better then the hash cake in Amsterdam! Hahaha!
Anyway the midwife broke my waters and the anesthesiologist gave me an injection and finally I could relax.

Lying on a bed attached to a drip I was thinking if I could prepare myself any better for that kind of pain I've experienced?
 It was 1pm and I was already very tired, and our baby was still in my belly. I started to doubt myself, but  thanks to my husband, my midwife Emmeliene and Kail - student doctor at 7:15pm I pushed our baby girl :D And that was the easiest part compared to hours of pain without any pain killers.

I need to say that the staff in National Maternity Hospital was amazing! They went through my birth plan and till the end they tried to follow it , so I was able to touch my baby's head and see it when it went through my birth canal! :D

At the end Bart cut the umbilical cord, and we were able to examine the placenta. And because I agreed medical students to assist in my labour, we've learned a lot of things from the medical point of view.

I ended up with 3 stitches ,but I would go through the same one more time! No hesitation!

Today our gorgeous baby Zoe aka Canarian Princess is exactly 2 weeks old! :D


We are so happy that she finally joined our team :D
With her, we are even more awesome then before!!!




We love you so much Zoe ♥

xoxo
Mags

Wednesday 27 April 2016

Tick Tock...


Any moment I can become a mom! OMG! And I can't even change the nappy! LOL!
I  really enjoy being pregnant and I love my protruding belly ♥  but I also can't wait to meet our baby girl. 
I wonder how our life will look like when she'll join our team ;) 

 Sometimes annoy me when people say to me that I won't get enough sleep, or I will be constantly tired for the first few months, the baby will costs a lot and I won't have time for myself , friends and even my husband.

It all sounds very negative and I refuse to be the person to whom the child is just troublesome duty. We wanted to become a parents, that was our deliberate decision. So I always say: "Yes , my life is going to change but I'm looking forward to that!". :D

So today I'm exactly 38 weeks pregnant and at this stage I wear my hubby's old t-shirts because I can't fit in most of my blouses anymore! 
This week I also started my maternity leave, but I still go to gym where I work to train a bit before that BIG DAY!
Beside that I read books, watch movies, sing and lie on the couch. A lot! Haha!


xoxo
Mags

Thursday 14 April 2016

Epidural? No thanks, I'm alright.


Maybe I'm naive , but I really think I won't need any drugs when the time will come to give a birth to our baby girl.  I'm very confident and optimistic to face this big challenge, but saying that I keep my mind open. The last thing I want to do is to play a martyr in such an important day. So when I will really need it , I'll ask for painkillers. 
 ( I'm definitely going to try gas and air regardless of whether I need it or not, because I really want to find out if that makes me high , haha! )

To prepare myself for this big day, I use visualization technique and relaxations. I also created a list of birth preferences. Here are my requests:

1. Warm bath with foam and candles
2. Chilled champagne
3. Professional masseuse from Thailand :D

That might not happen, so just in case I prepared plan B, which I think sounds more realistic:

* I would like to have medical free labour and birth if possible, but I may change my mind during the course of the labour.

* During the labour and childbirth I would like to stay upright and mobile for as long as possible.

* I hope to use fallowing:

- birthing ball
- birthing chair
- shower
- music
- massage
- warm compresses to vaginal area for relaxation and comfort


*My preferred methods on pain relief:

-shower
-massage
-breathing techniques

* I would like to try a variety of pushing positions: 

- squatting
- kneeling
- side-lying
- on all fours

* I would like to touch my baby's head and see it when it goes through my birth canal.
( Perhaps I will very quickly change my mind when it comes to the real thing!!! Haha )

I'm also working on playlist with music I like which I hope to listen during labour :D


And that's how I imagine my big day, haha! 


xoxo
Mags

Sunday 10 April 2016

No soothers, no bottles, no bogie - Paleo parents


Attachment parenting - I came across that philosophy few years ago in Jean's Liedloff  book "The Continuum Concept"
Co-sleeping, breastfeeding, carry the baby on the body as often as possible, responding to the infant signals without judgement and displeasure, being sensitive and emotionally available guardian without any undue concern or obsessively focusing on the child -  everything seemed to me so natural, so obvious! 

I was very interested in that topic long before I got pregnant, so I bought another book. This time it was a book by William and Martha Sears " The Attachment Parenting Book".
I introduce my husband to their concept, and I was very surprised when he said how he felt reading this book. Like there was some truth deep inside, hidden instinct , who now saw the daylight. 

In a few weeks we'll be able to test that instinct ;)




xoxo
Paleo Mama :D

Saturday 2 April 2016

Exercising during pregnancy


 I was always into sport. I think it all started with watching Olympic games on TV. My favourite olympic sports were: gymnastic and figure skating. 
To this day I have a scar under my chin, after practising my skating moves on the kitchen tiles! LOL.

At school I was always taking a part in a different sport competitions like : swimming, 60m run or speed skating. I need to say, I've never been extraordinary or great with this things , but I was good enough to compete with others. Last place in the competition it is also a place! Haha

But my true adventure with fitness started years ago when I visited my brother in Germany. Back then he was into gymnastics and he took me to his training. And from that very day I decided I want to be super fit! I left my previous job and I became a fitness instructor. That was 7 years ago, 

Now I'm 34 weeks pregnant and I still continue my training. The more my belly is growing , the less intense is my training, but I do what I can do and I always listen to my body. Sometimes it means just 5 minutes on Cross-trainer and some gentle stretching, but even in so advanced pregnancy I would use free weights and do some deadlifts or squats. 

Nowadays things had changed around , and seeing pregnant woman at the gym or rushing to yoga class with mat under her arm, it's not that controversial. In fact, there are studies which show that exercising during pregnancy has great benefits. It make you feel strong and it can prepare you for labour and childbirth.



Remember, before you continue your old exercise routine while you pregnant , or begin a new one, you should talk to your doctor. 

xoxo
Mags

Tuesday 15 March 2016

"Bang Bang"

Sometimes I wonder if instead of being a fitness instructor I should become a film director and work with the biggest stars like Beyonce or Lady Gaga and create video clips for them:D Hahah!


Don't forget to subscribe to my Youtube channel for more crazy videos! :D

Also worth to watch:




xoxo
Mags

Wednesday 2 March 2016

Body Image: Loving Your Body During Pregnancy

Accepting my body image was always a problem for me.
 Looking back, there was always something I would like to change in the way I looked ,from my hair, face to whole body! 
And now, when I'm pregnant and my body is changing so rapidly, there is no time to complain, ha!
 Every week I look slightly different. My belly is growing, my breast are getting bigger and bigger , my face is changing and every time I step up on the scales, it shows bigger number!

It might be hard to have positive body image during pregnancy,especially nowadays, where "the perfect body" is desired by most of us.

But growing a human being inside my body is a great reason to embrace and celebrate the changes, and I look forward to the challenge of giving birth to my baby girl! 


And here's what I do to love my body image during pregnancy:

1. I exercise.

That help me to stay strong and feel sexy. 

2. I style myself.

I try to dress fashionably.
 I also invested into key pieces like maternity jeans and trousers.
 Maternity clothes might be expensive but believe me, you don't need much!
For t-shirts I go with larger size, and that works fine for me :)

3. I eat well.

That helps me to gain the weight gradually and get the right nutrition, which gives me energy to take care of myself ♥

4. I take care of myself.

I rest when I need to, and every time I go out, I put my make up on and style my hair. 

5. I have a good support network.

This one is the most important for me!
 I surround myself with positive people who understand all changes pregnant women is going through.

xoxo
Mags

Thursday 18 February 2016

Easter is coming!


Well....I know there is a few good weeks to Easter, but when it gets brighter outside I'm starting to think about my favourite holiday and my favourite season - Spring :D 

I love when the Sun is waking me up in the morning ,like today, when the birds are singing outside the window and seagulls shit on my car. Ah..... " What a wonderful woooorld" ♫ ♫ 
The days are getting longer and there is more energy and ideas to implement.

One evening I had the idea to make Easter cards for my family. They were so easy to make, so I decided to share with you that simple concept.




Enjoy! :D


xoxo
Mags

Wednesday 3 February 2016

In my little prison - Overthinking and Perfectionism

I wake up in the morning and thousands of thoughts run through my head.

Should I do this or that? Should I make a breakfast or do the laundry? Maybe will be better if I do this first , then that, and that...

I plan my whole day long before I get out of bed. I haven't done anything yet and I'm already tired!

 What to do? What to say? What to buy? What would be the best for me and people around me?

 Sometimes it's so difficult to make a decision!

Why? Because I always want to make the right one. I also worry what other people might think. I always look for hidden meanings in conversation, pick apart all details ,what triggers a cascade of thoughts.
 I am pretty sure that if I would act instead of thinking and trying to be perfect,  much more things could be done and created by now.

Overthinking is not productive and it does not do me any good. In fact, it holds me back from being spontaneous and creative.

So get out of your head and trust your gut! - I say to myself - because however much critical thinking you'll apply to a decision ,you may be wrong. Ha! But it doesn't matter because there is no right or wrong decision. "You could do this way, or that way , and either way will eventually get you to where you want to be". 


* * * 

A few days ago I recorded the song.
It took me few hours to rehearse, but the whole process of playing ukulele and singing made very happy. I created something and I decided to share it with the world. Without much hesitation I published it on my Youtube channel. But then something happened. 
One inconspicuous thought infected my mind. And then another one, and another, and finally I started to doubt in myself.

I shouldn't share this video. 
I'm not good enough.
I don't sing well.
I mispronounced few words! :/
What other people will think about it?

And the more I thought about it, the worse I felt. :(
Finally, I removed the video. I felt defeated by my own thoughts. And then I thought - why I think so much? Ha! Why I always want to be perfect instead of being myself?

So there is my video, uploaded again. Because it doesn't matter if it's perfect, or not. It's something I've created, and I enjoyed it! :D :D :D 


xoxo
Mags

Wednesday 27 January 2016

Hidden ge(r)ms

Second Hand shops once again proved their worth! 
You'd be surprised how good quality children's clothes can be found there. I was very surprised! 

From time to time I visit second hand shops but I've never paid attention to children's sections. Till now. Recently I got so many baby clothes that we needed to buy a new chest of drawers for all that stuff! And I need to say, they are as good as new. Ha! Or even better because for that price you can't go wrong.

Children's clothes are usually sold three pieces for 1! Which is ridiculous because I'm talking here about clothes from such brands like Next, Mama&Papas , Mothercare, H&M or Zara. 







So here I am, with drawers full of clothes for our baby girl who is still in my belly :P 
Till May though! :)
♥♥♥

xoxo
Mags


Sunday 17 January 2016

Seeking for help is not a shame


When you feel depressed, worthless or hopeless, chatting with a friend might be simply not enough.

In my experience, people around us are often not able to help us when we are depressed , because they don't now how / they also are going through some rough shit right now or struggling with unresolved issues from the past.

Note! Saying:

 "I feel the same."

" It's no big deal, I was going through the worst stuff. "

 "Everything will be ok, you'll see."

...to somebody who is reaching out for your help, is the worst things you can ever say!!!


Life those days might be overwhelming for most of us. With all that pressure we are putting on ourselves, sometimes is really hard to cope with everyday tasks.

In my opinion,  if you are going to get some professional help , you already made a huge step forward in improving quality of your life!

It's not easy to open up to a person you practically don't know and talk about your problems, fears and worries. Sometimes it will even take some time to find the right psychologist / counselor,  but it will pay off, trust me on this one!

It took me 4 years of counselling and psychotherapy to be where I am today and it wasn't easy neither fun. But thanks to my self motivation the quality of my life and the relationships with other people are incomparably better.
I learned how to trust myself, how see the world around me in a different way and how to not allow someone else to control how I feel.

I'm still working on myself , on my self - esteem and destructive thoughts , learning how to set the boundaries between difficult people, but at this point I'm able to do it on my own.
I read books, articles, talk to people who I trust. I keep a diary where I record my thoughts and also I blog. It helps me to stay positive, keep focusing on what's NOW and be more aware of who I am and how I feel.

I think is nothing shameful about seeking for professional help. In fact, you are very brave and self motivated if you decided to do it!

xoxo
Mags


Useful links:

http://www.aware.ie/
https://mymind.org/

Something in Polish:

http://psychologwirlandii.blogspot.ie/
http://martabiczkowska.blogspot.ie/

Monday 11 January 2016

Cheers to another awesome year!!!

Year 2015 was absolutely extraordinary!!! 
No, wait a minute...let me start again.

We made year 2015 absolutely extraordinary!!! :D:D:D

We've been bold, brave and fearless in order to pursue our wildest dreams!
We travelled to -> USA <- , spent 3 months in  -> Gran Canaria <-, we developed our passions and achieve personal goals. :D 

You can read about my biggest achievement -> here <-
And if you like to hear me singing -> just click here <-

And if that would be not enough, we brought Canarian Princess from our latest trip ♥♥♥


We are waiting for you baby girl to join our Kick-Ass team! :p


Year 2015 was truly amazing!!! And there is more to come in 2016 :D

What I would like to focus on in this year? Well...I will continue what I started few year ago, which is becoming my greatest version and make my dreams come true!

  I also want to learn how to say at loud what I really mean , express my opinion regardless of the opinions of others. So help me God because I going to make some enemies, haha! :P

xoxo
Mags

#17

Journey. That will be a title for the next year starting from today. Last year I asked myself out loud "how my life can change in a ...