Attachment parenting - I came across that philosophy few years ago in Jean's Liedloff book "The Continuum Concept".
Co-sleeping, breastfeeding, carry the baby on the body as often as possible, responding to the infant signals without judgement and displeasure, being sensitive and emotionally available guardian without any undue concern or obsessively focusing on the child - everything seemed to me so natural, so obvious!
I was very interested in that topic long before I got pregnant, so I bought another book. This time it was a book by William and Martha Sears " The Attachment Parenting Book".
I introduce my husband to their concept, and I was very surprised when he said how he felt reading this book. Like there was some truth deep inside, hidden instinct , who now saw the daylight.
In a few weeks we'll be able to test that instinct ;)
Accepting my body image was always a problem for me.
Looking back, there was always something I would like to change in the way I looked ,from my hair, face to whole body!
And now, when I'm pregnant and my body is changing so rapidly, there is no time to complain, ha!
Every week I look slightly different. My belly is growing, my breast are getting bigger and bigger , my face is changing and every time I step up on the scales, it shows bigger number!
It might be hard to have positive body image during pregnancy,especially nowadays, where "the perfect body" is desired by most of us.
But growing a human being inside my body is a great reason to embrace and celebrate the changes, and I look forward to the challenge of giving birth to my baby girl!
And here's what I do to love my body image during pregnancy:
1. I exercise.
That help me to stay strong and feel sexy.
2. I style myself.
I try to dress fashionably.
I also invested into key pieces like maternity jeans and trousers.
Maternity clothes might be expensive but believe me, you don't need much!
For t-shirts I go with larger size, and that works fine for me :)
3. I eat well.
That helps me to gain the weight gradually and get the right nutrition, which gives me energy to take care of myself ♥
4. I take care of myself.
I rest when I need to, and every time I go out, I put my make up on and style my hair.
5. I have a good support network.
This one is the most important for me!
I surround myself with positive people who understand all changes pregnant women is going through.
I wake up in the morning and thousands of thoughts run through my head.
Should I do this or that? Should I make a breakfast or do the laundry? Maybe will be better if I do this first , then that, and that...
I plan my whole day long before I get out of bed. I haven't done anything yet and I'm already tired!
What to do? What to say? What to buy? What would be the best for me and people around me?
Sometimes it's so difficult to make a decision!
Why? Because I always want to make the right one. I also worry what other people might think. I always look for hidden meanings in conversation, pick apart all details ,what triggers a cascade of thoughts.
I am pretty sure that if I would act instead of thinking and trying to be perfect, much more things could be done and created by now.
Overthinking is not productive and it does not do me any good. In fact, it holds me back from being spontaneous and creative.
So get out of your head and trust your gut! - I say to myself - because however much critical thinking you'll apply to a decision ,you may be wrong. Ha! But it doesn't matter because there is no right or wrong decision. "You could do this way, or that way , and either way will eventually get you to where you want to be".
* * *
A few days ago I recorded the song.
It took me few hours to rehearse, but the whole process of playing ukulele and singing made very happy. I created something and I decided to share it with the world. Without much hesitation I published it on my Youtube channel. But then something happened.
One inconspicuous thought infected my mind. And then another one, and another, and finally I started to doubt in myself.
I shouldn't share this video.
I'm not good enough.
I don't sing well.
I mispronounced few words! :/
What other people will think about it?
And the more I thought about it, the worse I felt. :(
Finally, I removed the video. I felt defeated by my own thoughts. And then I thought - why I think so much? Ha! Why I always want to be perfect instead of being myself?
So there is my video, uploaded again. Because it doesn't matter if it's perfect, or not. It's something I've created, and I enjoyed it! :D :D :D
When you feel depressed, worthless or hopeless, chatting with a friend might be simply not enough.
In my experience, people around us are often not able to help us when we are depressed , because they don't now how /they also are going through some rough shit right now or struggling with unresolved issues from the past.
Note! Saying:
"I feel the same."
" It's no big deal, I was going through the worst stuff. "
"Everything will be ok, you'll see."
...to somebody who is reaching out for your help, is the worst things you can ever say!!!
Life those days might be overwhelming for most of us. With all that pressure we are putting on ourselves, sometimes is really hard to cope with everyday tasks.
In my opinion, if you are going to get some professional help , you already made a huge step forward in improving quality of your life!
It's not easy to open up to a person you practically don't know and talk about your problems, fears and worries. Sometimes it will even take some time to find the right psychologist / counselor, but it will pay off, trust me on this one!
It took me 4 years of counselling and psychotherapy to be where I am today and it wasn't easy neither fun. But thanks to my self motivation the quality of my life and the relationships with other people are incomparably better.
I learned how to trust myself, how see the world around me in a different way and how to not allow someone else to control how I feel.
I'm still working on myself , on my self - esteem and destructive thoughts , learning how to set the boundaries between difficult people, but at this point I'm able to do it on my own.
I read books, articles, talk to people who I trust. I keep a diary where I record my thoughts and also I blog. It helps me to stay positive, keep focusing on what's NOW and be more aware of who I am and how I feel. I think is nothing shameful about seeking for professional help. In fact, you are very brave and self motivated if you decided to do it!
Recently I came across a picture of one of Banksy's graffiti, showing crucified Jesus Christ holding in his hands full bags of Christmas shopping.
My reaction was immediate. This image fascinated me in an instant because I realized how true this picture was!
It seems like nowadays Christmas is all about shopping, starting of
buying gifts for our relatives, modern gadgets/toys for kids and new clothes for ourselves ( because you can't wear the same dress from last year on your Xmas party!!!)
Then when it comes to food we go crazy mad about it! We stuffing our fridges to the brim , like there was a serious threat of nuclear attack! Ha!
Not to mention that our stomach will suffer 100 times more then our fridge ,when all the food, sooner or later ,will end up in your mouth! :P
So what's Christmas all about?
My first guesses are:
* presents
* food
* Christmas rush
Well, that looks pretty shallow, right? But when I think more about it, few other things come to mind.
For me Christmas is a special time when my hart melts in the warmth of the winter holiday and all grudges and resentments go aside, and all I want is to be around people I care about and wish everybody in the world all the best!!!
I watch all this cool people on Youtube, on the other side of my computer screen , and very often thoughts like such hunt me:
* I wish I could have her/his confidence , charm, beauty, cleverness , incredible personality....
* I wish I could speak English like she does
* I wish I could be that funny with beautiful white teeth, or at least have that great camera!!!
But if I would have all this qualities would I still be me?
In the world where being a part of any community looks like it's a must , sometimes I also get that need to belong somewhere/ be like somebody else, forgetting that life is more interesting when you do things in your own way, rather than being a part of one social mind who thinks and makes decisions for you.
December it's a very specific month where people who celebrate Christmas go crazy mad about Christmas presents! We buy stuff for our family and friends , the same stuff which will be on sale on 26th! Haha! But who would like to wait till after Christmas for its presents? Definitely not ME!
The most important is to find a gift under the Xmas tree on 24th or early in the morning on 25th. Tired, sweaty in crowded shopping centres looking for gifts for our loved ones. Prise does not matter! ;)
This is the magic of Christmas.
By the time when the last piece of Xmas wrap falls on the floor, most of us will end up with another pair of warm Christmas socks ;P
Would you like to live in a world where people do things they hate?
Would you imagine to being dependant of people who don't like their jobs, and just do it because is well paid?
That's not a positive vision, isn't?
So here I am! Staring at the window and wondering - what should I do now? 2 weeks ago we came back form our biggest adventure , which was amazing by the way, but my big fat plan stopped at that very moment I have walked into our apartment in Dublin.
So I'm out of employment and thinking : Mags, that could be an opportunity to finally find a right job for you! ( or get heart attack from car insurance that I should pay a few weeks ago! )
Recently I came across that inspiring quote:
"What you most fear is what you most desire"
That gave me something to think about. My biggest fear right now is to being permanent unemployed....and according to this golden thought I'm on the right track!!! LOL! :D
Our big adventure in Las Palmas is nearly finish. Tomorrow is our last day :( I can't believe how fast these three months went by! It was an amazing experience to live our dream life. No hassle, no rush, just excellent weather ( mostly :P ) , beach, sea , delicious food ,and of course beautiful people we met! Our budget shrunk "a little" during these three months, but no money is too big for what we experienced!
I will definitely miss Las Palmas, in particular I'll miss our new friends, and I hope we'll see you again some day!!! Muchas gracias for everything!!! ❤ ❤ ❤
I've never been on a three-month holidays so I have no idea what I should take with me. How many nail polishes? Which dresses? How many pairs of shorts, skirts, bikinis?!!!
And when I was thinking about all those trivial things, it hit me. I have some many expectations about that trip that I forgot why we are doing it at the first place!
I have that whole big fat plan in my head about what I should do on my holidays:
* write a book
* blogging
* read a dozen books
* record songs
* going to the gym
* get pregnant
* find out what I want do do with my life
* make some awesome pictures
* gain popularity on Youtube...
and so on.....
And then I realized that I caught myself up in the same life I'm leaving right now. And the whole point was to do something different. To live day by day.
Planning and expectations , expectations and planning and even more expectations. For what? To prove myself that I'm cool, that I'm good enough or I'm worth something because I have a million subscribers or expecting a baby? Meh... I want something more than blind worship of people who I have never met or approval of my family and friends.
I just want to live in harmony with myself.
So fuck all those expectations. If I had to lie on the beach for these three months and did not lift a finger and be happy about that, so be it! :D
It took me more than 4 years to do something that I thought was impossible for me, and out of my reach! I have finally learned how to enjoy my life! :D
I think depression it's still taboo and we don't speak at loud about it. I never did. Not many people knew that I had depression.
Sometimes depression may effect people who are close to us and we may not be aware of it! And it is not just a bad day or lack of energy. Is something more! It is a nasty , heavy , dark voice who whispers to your ear over and over again that you are useless, not good enough ,you are not worthy of love , you are nothing! And it make you fell like everything is hopeless. It drags you down to that dark place where you feel alone and miss understood. You can't even understand yourself.
Many times I've been asking myself - what the fuck is wrong with me? Why I fell that way? Why I can't be like everybody else? Am I lazy or what?
Even the smallest challenge was like something impossible to do. Sometimes it was hard to drag myself out of bed in the morning, and do the simplest things during the day. But there was that one thing I mastered to perfection - fake smile.
Not once, not twice that voice ( my own voice ) said to me that there is no point to try, no point to change something, you are useless, you are weak ,you are a one big mistake.
Many times I felt so hopeless that I was willing to let it go....But today I'm glad that I didn't and I just kept going through the rocky road.
The biggest change in my attitude towards the world and myself occurred when I miscarried for the second time within a few months. That was like a punch into my stomach!!! Everything collapsed like dominoes, my plans&dreams, my self-esteem.... It hurt so much, physically and mentally, but then something snapped in me.
Few weeks after I realized ,that I started to perceive myself in a different way. The pressure I was always putting to myself dropped.
That was so liberating! All those things I was hating myself for become my strengths.
It was a huge step forward!
Before I thought I need to do this and that in order to be liked and loved by people. I used to hate my own company! I could not even look at myself in the mirror!!! But I always wanted to be around people, but when I was with them, I felt bad, I felt stressed out. I thought it is better that way, then to be alone with my own intrusive&pessimistic thoughts.
Now I try to put myself and my well-being on the first place. I enjoy people company more then ever before but I also really like my own company :D
Over those 4 years I've learned a lot about myself. And the most important - I've learned how to like myself. ♥ In last Monday I've finished a certain period of my life. I was coming back from my last counseling session and big tears were rolling out from my eyes. There were tears of happiness :) I was so proud of myself for what I achieved! And now, when I look back, I'm incredible grateful for all those things that happened to me through my life, for all those people whom I met on my way, because thanks to that I am who I am today.
Life will be easier or harder but I will always try my best by accepting things which I can not control and change those things, I'm able to change!
Money is the most bizarre thing I've ever seen and experienced in my life! It has some magical power to change our lives, minds and hearts ,and everything around us! It makes people fight and kill for it, give up on dreams or ruin they health in the name of numbers on they bank account.
What money actually is?
Take a bill or coin to your hand. What do you see? A piece of paper or metal disc. Nothing more!
Nowadays money plays an important part in our lives. It would be extremely hard or even impossible to live without it. Money provides access to food , water, clothing , shelter and many goods ,thanks to which our life can be easier and better. It's very good to have this system, but it's also good to remember that, that 1 million dollar bill is just a piece of paper.
So don't let yourself go crazy about it ;)
It's money worth more than your life? Health? Family? Your dreams&passions?
Time travel?!!! It's sounds ridiculous, but by some meaning is possible! Yes!
You might be now disappointed, because actually I'm not talking about traveling in time physically but rather about the way our mind can do it.
Why I think is so important for some of us to go back in time? Let me explain that to you.
Have you ever said something mean or cruel to yourself? Have you ever bully yourself?
Or the felling that you should did something, or should said something still hunt you?
What would happen if you could defend yourself against your bully classmate? Or say something to your boyfriend/girlfriend or mean boos.
Well, the good news is that you will never find out what would happened if...
Probably now, with all your knowledge and experience you would say to your bully classmate: FUCK YOU! I WON'T LET YOU TREAT ME LIKE THAT! Or something to that boy you liked or to your mean boss?
All you need to do right now is to acknowledge that you did the best with what you had. And you didn't have this brain like you have today, did you? :P You wasn't so brave or confident like you are today.
Today you're completely different person, because you learned so much, and you experienced many things that shaped you!
So ,if you regret something you did or didn't do, if you hold resentment towards yourself , maybe now is the time to jump into your travel machine , press start and go back in time to give yourself a BIG hug, and say something nice to your younger inexperienced, frightened, sad or even lonely version.
Try to say it at loud: I love you no matter what and I now know that back then, you did the best you could.
I always cry when I go back in time and see myself as my worst bully :(
But today I know better and I try to treat myself with love , kindness, and understanding.
What if you were able to go back in time and give advice to your younger self?
#DearMe Campaign for International Women's Day inspired me to write a letter to myself. Not to my younger version in the past, but to myself in the present.
Bunch of advices I could give myself on daily basis.
* Do
what you like to do. Do what really makes you feel happy.
* Every
time you are unsure about something ask yourself: ‘’Do I really want to do
it?’’
* Be
honest with yourself. Know your needs
and expectations, your preferences and dreams.
* Aspire
to live with harmony with yourself.
* Fulfil
your plans and dreams.
* Express
yourself through music, dance , art , fashion , writing and everything you do.
* Search
of company of people who inspires you, who supports your creative fervour and
enthusiasm.
* Search of company of people
with whom you feel good and who accept you.
* Let
it go of people with whom you feel less then yourself.
* Evolve.
Try different things. Follow your interest. Listen to your heart.
* Respect
yourself and learn how to say ‘’NO’’.
If
you want something - ask for it.
If
you don’t want it – say it.
* Know
your value and don’t let someone opinion influence your self esteem.
* If
you like something – say it.
If
you don’t like something – say it too, and don’t feel bad about it.
* Don’t
try to be perfect. Let yourself to make mistakes. Because of them, you can
learn something new about yourself.
More
mistakes = patience, forbearance and kindness for yourself and others.
* Live at your own pace!
* Don’t
try to change yourself for others.
* Be
your own best friend. Be kind to yourself.
* Listen
to your body. Let it rest when is tired.
* Treat
yourself well. Invest in your good mood. Go to beautician or for massage.
* Have
time just for yourself. Sit down on the couch with nice cup of tea and ask yourself: How do
you feel today? Can I do something at this moment for myself?
As a little girl, I always liked to follow Olympic sports on TV. Figure skating and Gymnastics where my favorite disciplines.
What I liked most about Figure skating& Gymnastics were those fancy pirouettes, splits, and all acrobatic movements. It always looks so gracefulness and effortless when somebody is doing it!
It's absolutely amazing how you can train your body!
In my family home we have tiles on the hallway , and I used to slide on the tiles surface in my socks pretending I'm a figure skater. Once even I hurt my chin while doing pirouettes and to this day I have a small scar. That's how my career as figure skater started! Haha!
As a teenager I tried real ice skating and I need to say, I was doing really well. Few times I participated in inter-school competitions!
I guess practising on the tiles helped me a lot :D
Generally I always liked to be active. That's why I became a fitness instructor.
For me there is nothing better in the world then to be able to do cartwheel and handstand! :)
Few times I was thinking to join a gymnastic club, but that pessimistic voice in my head ( yes, I hear voices! haha ) says: "Don't be silly, you are too old for this! You are not flexible enough. Why you want to do that? You might break your neck or leg or something else. It's better to stay at home. Beside it's too far. You will never become a gymnast anyway ,so don't waist your time!
Sounds familiar?
Now I know it's just a bullshit story that I was telling myself over and over again. Why? Because I wasn't brave enough to give it a go. But if not now, then when?! Life is too short!! And I would much rather try and fail then regret not trying at all!
Last Friday I went for my first class and I got hooked straight away!
We where doing flips, cartwheels and practising somersault and many more acrobatic movements! Wow! It was so tough and challenging but I knew I was born for this!
I can't even express how happy and proud of myself I am :D It was hard to ignore that nasty dark voice in my head but I did it! I put myself , my happiness and my dreams on the first place.
Almost 8 years ago I moved from Poland to Ireland. It's seems like ages, and yet, after so many years leaving abroad I feel like I'm "countryless".
I was born in Poland and I spend there most of my life, but I don't feel like I'm belong to Poland. I'm not homesick, and in fact every year I feel a little bit less polish because of Western Europe influence.
So I ask myself: " Who does that make me?"
Well, I prefer to think about myself as an inhabitant of Europe. And now , when European borders are open , thanks to EU ( European Union ), we are closer and more open minded as countries&people then ever before in history.
In Dublin for instance you can easily meet people from all over the old continent by just walking through streets, and that is so cool! And wherever I travel I can hear polish language. :)
So maybe next time if somebody asks me where I come from I will proudly say : I come from Europe!
Do you miss your country while living abroad?
Are you planning to come back to your homeland someday?
Share your opinion!
It has been 2 weeks since I canceled my Facebook account and from that time I feel more positive!
Why I decided to leave FB?
Well...one of the reason was that I couldn't use Facebook in moderation. It became too addictive for me.
I was checking my account first thing in the morning, and then 10 times at the day, and finally just before sleep. I used to lay in a bed with my mobile phone in my hand checking Facebook again ,in order to give myself another dose of unnecessary information about my ''friends''.
Just before Christmas I came to realization that I don't need next ''like'' on my wall to feel good about myself. Waiting for someone approval became big part of my daily existence.
Isn't it crazy to give somebody power to ''make your day'' by clicking "like" button under your picture/post?
Well...now I know better! I can raise my self esteem by doing things I really like doing. :D
I'm not on FB anymore and I don't regret it!
How many of your Facebook friends are actually your real friends in a real life?
Do you share a new post on Facebook every time you did something or planing to go out ?
Do you also get annoyed when you are with your friend and she/he is checking their phone every time they are getting a notification?
Yesterday I realized something. It was so obvious , but I think I was hiding that from myself for a long , long time. I thoughtthat if I would behave in the way that everything is ok, finally it will be ok. But yesterday the truth hit me straight in to my face.
80% of my free time I spend for personal development. And that's great because I know why I feel the way I do. I know why I'm angry with myself, why I envy ,why I'm anxious or scared or I don't appreciate myself. I've been trying different things and I came so far but still, I don't feel good with myself and that's what make me unhappy inside.
Few days ago I came across the following article which made me wonder....how I can start to love myself? How I can be polite to myself, more forgiving , and finally appreciate who I really am.
The last few days were very hard for me. Life has knocked me down and suddenly everything seemed so meaningless. I experienced sadness and failure and I couldn't motivate myself to do anything. But I believe that everything happens for a reason , so I will stay strong.
Today is my birthday and I have just one wish.
I wish myself, I could always bravely walked through life no matter what!
I guess everybody has sometimes bad days, when you feel everything sucks, and you wish to vanish. Sometimes it just hard to stop worrying and think positively, but this dose not mean we have tosurrender and cry all day long.
So how to stay positive when you fell your life sucks?
When I'm in a bad mood and I want to cheer myself up:
1.I speak to my friends
2. I listen tomy favourite songs
3. I take a long bath
4. I look for some funny picture on the internet
5. I spend time with my parrots :)
6. I think about what I accomplished so far
7. I go to the bed
( sometimes it is the best way to stop thinking )
8. I watch some funny vine's
And what do you do to stay positive if you have a bad day?
